I’m hurting a lot. I turned to you in an attempt to seek comfort because you told me yourself, that if anything went wrong I would be able to call you regardless of the time of day. I tried calling you. You never picked up.
My heart is aching. The distance between us will once again grow further after just holding your hand and having your arms wrapped around me. It'll be less than 4 months until I see you again, but for now all I feel is sadness. You're no longer in arm's reach, you're no longer there to climb into bed to hug me and keep me warm, you're no longer physically beside me. Every time I step into my room, I instantly tear up. It's as if you're still around, though I've yet to find the remaining handwritten notes that you've hid in my room. I can't stop these tears from rolling down my face. I can't think about anything else but you. I can't taste anything from this lump in my throat, as I sit on my bed and look around my room, feeling nothing but misery and emptiness. I don't know how I'm going to endure the next few months until it's my turn to go through those gates at the airport to see you on the other side of the world. Until that moment when I'll be able to hold your hand once again, I'll keep you closer to my heart than ever.
I tried to look past our differences and all of the fights and arguments that we've had. I tried so hard to help you quit smoking and drinking because I didn't want to lose you at an early age. Now that we've been pushed to such boundaries in our relationship, the thought of suddenly losing you doesn't seem so scary anymore.